


Stages of Denial

by beta_cygni



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Body Worship, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, Dreams, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Possessive Thor, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, Slow Burn, Smut, Thor Feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 22:39:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6258574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beta_cygni/pseuds/beta_cygni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor loves his little brother. Thor most definitely would NEVER want to have mind-boggling sex with his little brother. There.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Obliviousness

"Oh that's bullshit; you're as tall as _me_. You're not staying here."

Thor exclaimed before grabbing his younger brother's arm and pulling him into a hug. Their mutual laughter rippled through him.

It had been nearly ten months since Thor had last seen Loki, which was the longest they'd been apart, as long as Thor could remember. Granted, they had avoided each other for nearly as long for a period, but they had lived in the same room at the time, so it hardly counted.

After leaving home to pursue sports medicine at university, Thor had unquestionably missed his mother and father, as well as the familiar comforts of his childhood home. But losing his little brother had unexpectedly been what he mourned whenever his new life proved challenging, stressful or just plain lonely. It's not that Thor had a shortage of good friends. Yet when Loki had managed to skip a grade and be admitted to university merely a year behind his older brother, Thor had been thrilled at the thought that his best friend- and occasional nemesis- was at last out in the world with him. It just seemed right.

The boy- or _man_ \- arriving at his door to crash on his couch while he prepared for uni didn't _completely_ look like his little brother. The perpetual black jeans and sweats had been replaced by charcoal trousers and a dark green dress shirt. He'd also lost the black nail polish. His inky hair was longer, falling in sleek waves behind his ears and down his neck. Thor supposed that their mother had abdicated once her second son had surpassed six feet in height. Thor was still bulkier, a remnant of his football years, but now Loki's eyes were nearly level to his own. The days of successfully ambushing him with a noogie were most probably over.

Despite the changes, much of _little_ Loki remained: His piercing gaze, icy green and inquisitive; his chiming laughter; a general _Lokiness_ now standing engagingly inside Thor's doorway. Within a couple of days, he'd probably be snidely reminding Thor how he was now also entering academia and how much better he would be at it and be a little shit about everything all the time.

Thor had missed him _so much_.

***

It was a good thing that Loki hadn't brought in that much stuff- his clothes all fit into a single suitcase and he had managed to only bring one extra suitcase of books (" _he just didn't do Kindles_ ")- since Thor's place was a one bedroom. They decided to shove it all in Thor's room, still mostly in the carriers since they didn't know how long Loki would be there. After a job well done, they were ready for dinner. Thor went to pick up combos at the Chinese restaurant around the corner.

"So, do you always eat take-out now?" Loki asked casually as he forked a greasy shrimp.

"No," Thor shrugged, "Maybe a couple times a week..."

"Oh. Isn't it really salty and I don't know... bad for muscles?"

"It's not really 'bad for muscles'." Thor frowned; then he had a little snicker, "I mean, obviously."

Loki's left eyebrow twiched just a little.

"But since you'll be a _doctor_ or whatever, I thought the food was pretty important."

"I eat pretty well; I'm just not becoming, you know, _a chef_."

"Don't get me wrong; I'm glad you didn't go all _paleo-gluten_... _weird-health-nut_ guy."

There was a long pause as they emptied the fried rice container.

"I just though you were kind of a dietitian with the 'sports medicine' thing."

"Look, I _can_ cook. I just didn't feel like it _today_." Thor flicked his crumpled napkin at Loki, which he caught with a swipe of the wrist. Thor whistled snarkily:

"Ooh, who's the 'pro-jock' now?"

"I didn't come here entirely unprepared." Loki replied with a toothsome smile.

Thor noticed how Loki's face, though it was still kind of dewy, had grown more angular, as if it had been slightly polished and refined around the edges. 

He felt a pleasant burst of fond pride. They were both growing up and things were turning out well. Thor felt happy for himself; for both of them. There was something about the genes in their family; pretty good stock. Life was good.

After dinner, Loki had a shower while Thor changed into baggy flannel bottoms and crashed atop his bed to read a magazine before sleeping. After a while, Loki, who had downgraded to a grey T-shirt and sweatpants drifted into the bedroom to poke into his _books_ suitcase. Thor spied a few geological textbooks.

"Got into Seismology, right?"

"Yeah, I even had to stop being lazy and ace advanced calculus first; that's why it took longer."

What was really infuriating was that there was no trace of pride or arrogance in that statement. Loki seemed to have interpreted Thor's question as immediate interest in geoscience. He picked up one of the textbooks, with photos of lava all over it, and tossed it next to Thor on the bed.

"You ought to read that one. It's actually a good book. And it's a new edition so it even has a breakdown of the Sumatra–Andaman event..."

Thor shot him a _you are not really saying this shit_ look.

"The _big Asian tsunami_ ," Loki had an impatient hands-toss, "Just look at it this way: It's like it's about the _muscle damages_ of the _Earth_." At the sound of this, Loki himself had the tiniest cringe.

"Yeah, okay, I see it..." Thor dropped. 

At first, he thought Loki was stomping over to deliver some sort of violent act on him. Instead he flopped down on the bed and began primly flipping the pages of his book. In his effort to sell geology to Thor, it seemed he had managed to whet his own appetite for reading all about magmas and, well, _cracks_. _Oh shit_ : This was officially going to be what Thor would refer to Loki from now on; the _cracks_ scientist. However he was kind of tired and Loki was quiet and absorbed now, so Thor would keep it a secret for the time being. They read in silence for a long moment until Thor realized Loki had his eyes shut. He glanced at the clock and the 12:15 red numbers and decided it was time to follow suit.

It had been vaguely established that Loki would sleep on the couch but there was no need for constraints. They had shared beds- and blanket forts- countless times. Thor had a king size. It seemed douchey to leave Loki on the sofa; leather couches weren't that great to sleep on. It was generally bad for the back, too. 

Thor yawned with a stretch and pulled the sheets so he could slip underneath. Loki's eyes opened with a little start. He sat up and glanced at Thor, unsure whether this was his cue to leave. Thor grabbed one of his two pillows and tossed it at Loki's head. 

" _Here_. But if you started snoring, I'm going to let you know." With this, he turned off the bedside lamp.

Thor felt Loki shuffle for a while as he arranged the sheets on his own side; then he settled. This too hadn't changed: As tall as he had gotten, he still slept curled up in a ball on his side; so he didn't take that much space. It worked out.

After several minutes, Thor was on the verge of drifting off into the darkness when he heard giggling.

Aw fuck; _really?_ " He snapped.

"It's just; you can't fit anything under this bed. It made me think about the time mom found your _special jar_..." He chuckled as he trailed off.

"Yeah, okay; just go the fuck to sleep." Said Thor, giving the sheets a stern pull to assert authority.

After several more seconds of subdued cackling, Loki became quiet and still again. Thor had to allow himself a smirk.

Life was good.

** I realized that Loki is pretty much Hermione in this.


	2. Denial (stage 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Thor ought to be (and possibly is) wearing a crown of sunflowers and sweet peas this whole time.

The next couples of days were fun. 

Rooming together as brothers wasn't nearly as big an adjustment as with strangers or even friends. Thor and Loki had lived in close quarters most of their lives after all; a routine was re-establishing itself naturally around them. 

They had shopped for groceries and Thor had made a point by cooking a mean chicken and black olives tagine the previous night. Loki had eaten his words with it because it was _fucking good_. Though Loki was preparing to return fire with his roasted salmon on the Friday. They couldn't afford culinary face-offs every night. Summer days were getting hotter and the balcony was as good a place as any to feign serious studying while catching rays (in Thor's case; Loki would squeeze into the shaded corner with his sunglasses and books). At around two a noisy throng of young women in tube tops stopped under their perch and hurled come-ons and hoots at Thor. He was a good sport about it, smiling and returning thumbs ups at them- his tan was admittedly doing well this early in the season- while Loki regally ignored the proceedings, which appeared to get two of the women excited.

"I gather this happens a lot?" Loki sighed once the posse had moved on.

"There's a sorority a few streets down; I think this is the patio crawl route." Thor shrugged, still smiling in amusement.

He sank back into his plastic chair and closed his eyes to face the sun.

"Must make your girlfriend pretty jealous..." Loki mused quietly.

"Huh? I don't have a girlfriend."

The sun was blazing; the hot air carried up the smell of hedges and of wet pavement from a guy washing his car. The closest sound was that of Loki's pages turning, occasionally ruffling softly in the breeze. It was so peaceful. It was _nice_. It felt more like _home_ and _now_ than he had felt in a year. He squinted against the rays as he glanced at Loki. Loki sensed it, his eyes briefly leaving the words. He smiled.

This was great. They were on top of it.

It was evening when Loki returned from the laundromat with his clothes. He had said the suitcase had made them smell stuffy but Thor suspected it was a bit of a _starting a new life_ thing, which he had done as well. He was in the process of hanging his shirts in the bedroom closet- they were pressed, so might as well put them on hangers since most of Thor's stuff was in the dresser- when Thor yelled from the living room:

"YOU WANT PIZZA?"

"YEAH, OKAY," came the response.

Loki must have been tired and hungry since he didn't say anything smart about ordering food. Thor called _Vendicatore's_ and ordered an extra large with double sauce and anchovies (they had nordic ancestry).

The day was wrapping up. Settling down with grub and a movie sounded good right about now. Perfect end to a perfect day and all that. Thor was tidying a bit of the kitchen when there was a knock on the door. 

"FOOD'S HERE," he anounced for Loki's benefit as he got the door.

"...Tony?"

The slim, shorter man was wearing his customary shades and a blazer that barely showed the pizza restaurant's T-shirt underneath. He had an unimpressed eyeroll.

"Oh great. I expect a huge tip for this." 

"Look at you. Moving on up?" Thor snickered.

"Yeah, yeah. Is mommy paying for this?" Tony sneered handing Thor the large pizza box. He often juggled several jobs or business schemes on top of his studies. It appeared summer and the flood of working students had narrowed his options.

"What happened to the gig at the big firm?" Thor asked as he balanced the pizza while counting change.

"I solidly nailed the interview. Then they handed me this unpaid internship like I was supposed to just roll over and _present_. I let them know I ought to bill them for wasting three hours of my..." Tony's face abruptly froze, his voice dropping to a hushed, suggestive drone, "You _bastard_ who's the total fox?"

Thor blinked in confusion. He whipped his head around in time to see Loki, who had strolled through the living room, disappear into the hallway. Turning back to Tony, he found himself unable to process the turn of events.

"Huh? Wha... Um..." He stammered, motioning behind his shoulder, "That's... my brother."

Tony's eyebrows shot up.

"Your brother? You're serious?" 

"Yeah...?" Thor answered as Tony fixed him, "Uh... Hey, can you take this now? This is pretty hot..." He gestured the money towards Tony as he held the pizza on one arm.

"Oh, sure..." Tony said distractingly as he grabbed the cash without so much as glancing at it. He was still vaguely staring at a spot behind Thor.

"Alright. Well, gotta eat," Thor chirped, stepping back to indicate he would shut the door.

"Hey," Tony said, propping the door with his fingers, "So... Do you think your bro... He... well,"

Thor had no idea what Tony's next words would be but he felt a desperate urge to end the conversation without allowing himself to think about it.

"I don't know. _No_. He's going home. _Tonight_. Alright, cheers." 

He managed to shove the door shut and marched to the coffee table to drop the pizza. Loki emerged from the hall again.

"Oh great, I'm starving." He sighed happily, then he frowned at Thor, "Are you okay?"

"What? Yeah, why?"

"You look upset."

"I'm good," Thor insisted as he dropped on the couch and flipped open the pizza box, "Let's eat."

Loki sauntered to the other side of Thor and piled a couple of slices on the plate he had grabbed for himself as Thor flipped channels on the television. Thor settled on what looked like some science-fiction flick and pulled a slice off the pie in turn. He never used a plate. 

In an unusual reversal of situation, Loki was wolfing his food with more gusto than Thor who found himself chewing each bite at lenght without appetite. It was like everything felt a bit too... _there_ , like Thor's short exchange with Tony repeatedly playing itself vividly in his head, Loki eating next to him while he seemingly had lost all sense of taste. 

Something was off.

He eventually had to face it: Tony had rattled him. It was weird, and stupid, but his dirty eye at Loki kept nagging at Thor. Moreso, he was bothered by how bothered he was about it. It was just a basic comment; and Tony was such a whore sometimes anyway; and to be fair Loki had filled out for sure, and he was practically a grown man and all so...

Thor took a large gulp of his glass of water and decided this would be a good time for something that would help settle him down. It was silly, overprotective brother instincts acting up- not that it hadn't happened many times before, back when Loki would come home sniffling and Thor would all but terrorize the git who'd bullied him. The pleasant nostalgia of having his brother back with him was bringing up childish impulses. If anything, he ought to be telling Loki right now, goad him about how he'd gotten the pizza guy all frisky, and have a good laugh about it. He cleared his throat and stood up. 

"You said you bought some brews earlier?"

"Hm, in the fridge." Loki answered around a bite.

Returning with a beer for each of them, Thor sat again, trying to relax and finish his pizza. They stared silently at the screen while they ate. Thor's gaze slowly crept until he could just spy Loki at the corner of his vision. He was already polishing off the last of his food. He had started with the crust and finished neatly with the point, as he had always done; though it seemed he had gotten out of the habit of using a knife and fork. He didn't like getting his fingers smeared in sauce and grease and Thor would call him a huge dork over it. Wherever the food was going, Thor couldn't tell. Loki was willowy as ever, having gained everything in height; though quite a bit in the shoulders as well. It must have happened in a spurt since both his shirt and pants looked too tight in places, namely chest and thighs. They also revealed lenghts of ankle and wrist when he bent his limbs. _So what_ if Loki was fairly alluring? Thor had already somewhat acknowledged this fact some time ago. 

Absentmindedly, Loki brought his fingers to his lips, lightly sucking on the tips. He had a faint grimace and rose to walk to the bathroom. Thor grinned as he heared the tap running, at the familiarity, the predictability. Loki still didn't like feeling food on his hands.

Thor was starting to feel better. He suddenly remembered his drink and reached for the cold bottle as Loki returned to his spot on the couch, this time flopping down on his back, his head landing nearly atop Thor's right leg. Thor almost spilled a mouthful from the impact as he drank.

"Hey watch it," He chuckled, "Whoa, that's... _bitter._ "

"Yeah, it's hopsy." Loki drawled lazily, "Sorry, I don't do the light, washed-out stuff."

Thor snorted.

"Well excuse me; and you've been drinking for... what? A whole five months?"

"Some of us are born with good taste. It's effortless..." Loki smiled, a _Loki_ smile again.

"Eh, it's strong; I like it." Thor shrugged.

Loki rose slightly to take a sip of his own and laid back down, with cat-like comfort, his head resting against Thor's leg. He looked absolutely content.

Absolutely beautiful.


	3. Denial (stage 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor's 'logic' everyone

It was distressing at first.

Thor was looking for something and it was urgent. He was searching a large building. He was pretty certain it was his old High School, though it looked nothing at all like it, being more like a big cathedral; in a grotto. Yet it still had that ugly, fluorescent lighting set in discolored plastic squares in the ceiling. He knew he'd messed up and- or- was late. There was a test he hadn't studied for, and it had already started. Plus, there was only about five minutes left since he was so late, so what was the point anyway?

It was more important than that.

There were faults, in the crust, and they were going to shift. It was getting critical. Thor went from room to room with a growing sense of purpose. Then he _sensed_ it; he knew exactly where _Loki_ was; and it mattered enormously. Loki was scared, or sad, and Thor would make it stop because Loki was right there now. It was so foolish of _this thing_ to think they could be kept apart. How? They always shared the same space. It was a matter of physics. It was _nature_. But Loki was... tied down, or a big stone was holding him down, as if he were fettered to it. And that was not good because the faults could rupture and besides, it made Loki unhappy; and it made Thor angry as hell.

Poison was dripping down from above. It was like mercury oozing out of rocks in some mine in Spain- Thor had gotten such a huge kick out of this when Loki had shown him the photos in a book; not that he'd _told_ him that; he would make sure to tell him now- only it was pouring out of the plastic ceiling tiles.

Thor knew what to do. It was ridiculously simple and he wondered why he hadn't done it sooner. Climbing on the rock, Thor shielded Loki's body with his own. He felt the _drip, drip_ of poison on the back of his head but it was fine because it was igniting. It was a crown of huge, bright, red flames. It must have been very beautiful because Loki was gazing up at him and he looked so _happy_ \- _oh yes_ , Thor meant to tell him about how awesome the mercury mines were. Loki's eyes were so wide and green but the flaming crown wasn't reflected in them; because Loki and himself were _gods_. Red doesn't reflect in green, but they're _lovers_ ; the only _real_ lovers, since the beginning. Everyone ought to know this. That's why they're the colors of _Christmas_. Old fuckers have been keeping it a secret but not anymore. Everything was making aching, glorious sense. Loki's _love_ was what held tectonic plates together. It was all so damn simple and elegant, Thor just wished he'd been told. A very distant part of his mind hoped he would remember this fundamental truth upon waking. _Oh, god; Loki_. They were either not touching at all, or they had utterly _merged_ together. Either way, this was the single most amazing sensation and event possible. They were protecting the _world_. They had possibly _given birth_ to it; _fuck_ why hadn't anyone told them? Red and green would merge... and it made the _brightest white_... and Loki was looking at him and he _said_... _and he_...

Thor abruptly became aware of a very loud gasp, or perhaps a scream. He jerked.

His eyes fluttered open. Though his mind was agitated, as if he had just been thrashing madly, everything was perfectly still and quiet in the room. For a few seconds, he focused on his own breathing, trying to determine whether he had actually screamed out loud in his sleep. He sensed that Loki's form was still nearby in the bed, still asleep; which meant- to Thor's relief- that he hadn't made an ass of himself... in _any_ way.

 _Fuck._ He thought to himself as he surveyed his briefs with a hand. They were reassuringly unspoiled. The colossal morning wood, however, was less reassuring.

In a half-daze, he ambled to the bathroom. Once there, he realized that peeing would be a problem. Drowsily aware of the dream's warmth and intensity, he was uncomfortably hard. He did feel a small pang of dismay: The dream had been incredibly strange. There were reasons to deem this boner suspect and not reward its questionable behaviour. On the other hand, treating this particular boner as a special case was in itself a reward, a recognition, which, Thor reasoned, would be even more suspect.

Satisfied enough with his decision, he clambered into the shower and turned on the water, keeping it tepid for good measure. Taking his obstinate cock in hand, he began stroking resolutely, trying to keep hold of the last tendrils of the dream, of its emotion and sensuality as they still echoed through his body. Warm bliss pooled deep within his gut, the levels rising until it coiled around his chest and throat, then tightened. Desperate to reach the edge and tip over, Thor abandoned himself to the script of the dream as he retrieved it:

He was a _god_ , and he was _loving_ like one, not just with the body but with his entire _soul_ ; and it held the whole universe together... and... well Loki was there; and he was holding the world together too, like the other half of it, or... They were pretty much naked, and well, _fucking_ but not really, and it didn't matter because _primordial gods_... And Loki- it may have been weird- but he was just _so_... his face was _just..._

There were times when jerking off was frustratingly anticlimactic, whatever effort of it wasted on a meager, cock-restricted little flash. 

Thor crashed against the tiles of the shower wall, the sudden cold of it sending a new wave of sparks throughout his frenzied nervous system. He tried not to drown in the shower spray as he gasped through the vertiginous high and shaking spasms. This ride was _mad_ he observed with shock and a measure of self-congratulatory awe. Whatever had brought this life-affirming orgasm to fruition, it was...

As the endorphins began leveling out and the last traces of grogginess dissipated, bliss gave way to a creeping awkwardness.

_Fucking Dreams._


	4. Denial (advanced)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I added 'slow burn' just in case. It won't be 250 chapters or anything, but Thor is really good with his denial. It's almost like he's had years of training...

Thor was pouring himself a second coffee when Loki entered the kitchen. He had brushed and smoothed his hair but was still wearing his nightwear and a soft, slightly crumpled sleepy air. He grabbed the tin he had brought with him from home and methodically prepared tea, stuffing a tea ball with dark leaves ( _"Freaking... stainless steel teabags??"_ Thor, who had never encountered a tea ball, had exclaimed the first time he saw it, to Loki's extreme delight at being able to henceforth call _Thor_ a stainless steel teabag). Thor must have looked as muddled as he felt; Loki asked with a yawn:

"Got up too early?"

Thor followed suit on the yawning.

"Didn't sleep that well; I had _crazy_ dreams." He said, wrinkling his nose.

"Like what?" Loki said as he perused information on his cellphone.

Thor pondered a second. Morning had robbed him of much of the details; it now seemed hazy and surreal.

"Like... There was random Christmas stuff... And I think at some point some flaming red phoenix was shagging my head..."

Loki burst into an amused, rolling laughter. This was funny- and rather lovely- yet _bad_ because the way his gentle morning eyes crinkled happily reminded Thor of bits of dream that were decidedly unorthodox.

Thor emited an unenthusiastic chuckle in response. He carefully slurped a sip of steaming coffee. 

Loki's attention returned to his phone. He strolled out of the kitchen, leaving his teacup behind to steep. Thor rested his eyes a few minutes as he absorbed the hot caffeine and focused on what errands had to be run later that day. When he opened them, Loki was walking back in though he had transformed, wearing black trousers and buttoning an emerald-green shirt. It didn't appear he owned any shirts with short sleeves; he just rolled up and crumpled them.

Thor felt a hint of annoyance.

What was it with the shirts? For one, was Loki wearing them this tight on purpose? Or was he completely oblivious to the fact that they were a size too small? Loki was somewhat responsible with money, but was he so outright _cheap_ that he'd keep squeezing in them?

Being the older brother, Thor decided he could offer gentle wisdom.

"So... shirt's getting a bit tight huh? He lightly remarked.

Loki's eyebrows quirked up and his hands flew up to pat his chest.

"Oh. You think?"

"Eh, you know. As long as it's comfortable..."

Loki was earnestly contemplating the matter, his brow crinkled.

"Well, it is getting sort of tricky. I don't want the waist to be all baggy, especially if I tuck it in. But then I guess that up _here_ , it gets a bit..." As he demonstrated, he was twisting and pulling at the shirt in places, making the long, taut line of his flank stand out through the crisp fabric. Thor congratulated himself on the remarkable futility of initiating this conversation.

"Yeah, that sucks..." He hoarsely agreed as he bowed his head to drown in his mug.

This prompted Loki to sample his tea. He had left the last two buttons of his shirt undone- probably because they were too damn tight.

"I have an apartment to go see at eleven..."

Thor's head rose from his caffeinated grave.

"Oh, okay..."

Loki wasn't offering anything more. He just kept placidly drinking his tea. Thor was unsettled by this: _Alright...?_ Did he need him to come along? He wasn't that familiar with the city yet... Was it far? Did it look like a done deal?

_Relax; you're adults._

"So... How's the search been so far?"

Loki cringed a little.

"Can't find a lot of good options."

"Odd; usually it's not too hard during summer break..."

Loki shuffled a little. Thor suddenly worried that his remark could be misinterpreted. He really didn't mind if Loki had to crash at his place longer. Though he wasn't sure how comfortable Loki himself was with the arrangement. The bed thing would probably be getting a bit weird soon. Still, he couldn't let that just hang in the air.

"Oh well. You know, with you here it's like rent is really cheap all of the sudden." Thor pointed out tentatively.

"It is a lot cheaper for both of us in the end, isn't it." Loki concurred.

"It's a bit cramped... But, hey, it's better than a dorm room."

"Yeah! Though, the bar's pretty low on that one..."

"Yeah; but, you know; no rush."

There were several seconds of quiet thinking until Loki pulled his phone back out of his pocket.

"I might as well cancel that one... It _is_ kind of a dump."

Thor frowned in outrage. Loki _had_ been feeling rushed to move out. _Shit._ It was so much like him to overanalyze and see potential problems everywhere.

"Well good thing I said something. Look at you, knowingly picking shit places..." Thor said snarkily.

"I didn't want to impose too much." Loki explained with the gaze of a canonized puppy.

"Oh _right_. Who are you and where _were_ you the past nineteen years?" 

Thor walked passed him to exit the kitchen, making sure to give Loki's shoulder a knock in the process. He mostly failed at making him spill his tea though.

Loki still had to head out for a while to place orders for some equipment he would need for his studies. He offered to pick up the groceries on the way back which suited Thor: A bit of laundry and tidying, then he'd be free for some more sunning. 

The sun was still strong when he finally stepped out and Thor took the opportunity of solitude to bring out some weights on the balcony. The fresh air was wonderful and he could use the patio chairs as leverage. As he trained, he was again enchanted by how amazing everything felt: The perfect weather, distant tunes drifting from someone's open window, the satisfying burn building up through his muscles. After a little over an hour, the sun had sank behind the thick, tall tree to the west. Thor decided to go back in and grab a shower.

He still felt vibrant and viril when he emerged from the bathroom, his blood warm and skin cleansed. The scent of sauteed onion hit his nostrils, making his stomach groan in approval. With his hips wrapped in a towel, he poked inside the kitchen to discover that Loki had invaded the territory with chopped vegetables, a bottle of wine breathing in a corner and a marinating slab of salmon.

Round two of the cooking brawl was _on_.

Loki briefly looked back at him as a greeting but was absorbed by his task. Vibrating with well-being, Thor couldn't help observe his brother with a swelling warmth. Had he ever grown into himself; he had grace. Even relaxed his back was held straight; his spine a sinuous 'S'. The heat of the day paired with the steam of cooking had ruffled Loki's carefully sleeked hair; it fell in waves on his shoulders, hiding his neck.Thor thought he ought to remind him to tie his hair back while cooking. Instead, he slowly reached a hand as to not startle Loki and gently brushed the strands to reveal his jaw. He must have surprised Loki regardless; his shoulder quirked and he inhaled sharply, like the time Thor had shoved a frozen pop can down his sweater. Thor had the impulse to apologize but it all happened too fast: Loki's grip failed and the pan knocked onto the element with a clatter. Searing oil splattered and Thor jumped back.

" _Ouch, shit..._ " He hissed as he felt the acute sting where an oily glob had reached his forearm.

Loki was cursing as he whirled into action. He grabbed Thor upper arm to drag him over the sink, then guided his wound under the stream of cold water. As swiftly, he snatched the dish detergent and was squirting a small amount into the pouring water onto the burn. Thor made a motion to wash his arm but Loki interceded sternly.

"No, don't rub it; just keep it under the water."

Thor obeyed but shot a perplexed look at Loki, who was displaying the solemn efficiency of a paramedic at a gruesome road accident. He watched him all but run out of the kitchen to return with a washcloth. He emptied a tray of ice into a bowl, added water and soaked in the cloth.

"Er... Thor offered, "It's okay, it's feeling fine,"

"Because it's under the water; but it's not cold enough..."

Thor decided to humour Loki and calmly submit to his _severe medical crisis_ response.

Loki wrung and folded the chilled washcloth and placed it on Thor's arm. He had been right; the iciness instantly killed the remaining trace of stinging.

"Hold it on there for a long time; and don't let it get warm, just keep dipping it."

Thor shook his head ruefully:

"It's useless; It's a goner. You'll have to amputate at the elbow."

Loki had an impatient flutter of the eyes.

"And go put on something; you were asking for it hanging out _naked_ near a working stove."

"I _know_ why this feels so much like home," Thor chirruped, "You sound _just_ like mom."

"I do _not_ ;" Loki protested, "I have _common sense_."

"Well, yeah; mom's common sense." Thor said; the fondness in his voice seemed to mollify Loki. He turned back to the frying vegetables.

"Sorry about the burn..." He dropped quietly.

"What? It's a tiny cooking burn; don't dramatize..." Thor nearly ruffled Loki's hair but though better of it, considering he was indeed rather exposed in the viscinity of boiling oil.

"But thanks for the emergency surgery." He smiled as he walked out of the kitchen.


	5. Denial (terminal)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Thor. He tries.
> 
> (Thank you SO much for the nice comments! I'm so glad you guys enjoy my super fluffy domesticity and smut... lasagna ^_^ )

The evening was drawing to a close. Curled up on the sofa, Loki stretched his legs until his socked feet bypassed Thor and reached the opposite armrest; his calves resting on Thor's lap.

"Excuse me?"

"I was getting crampy..."

"You don't have to sit like the grande obelisk all the time..."

"It's _odalisque_. I guess we need a bigger couch."

"We're doing this to save money, remember?"

"Well then." Loki concluded lazily.

There was some documentary on, covering several old and bizarre cold cases. Neither Thor nor Loki were terribly enthralled by it; they merely enjoyed the state of sloth.

"How come you're not with anybody?" Loki dropped.

Thor turned his head to Loki; he was still casually watching the show.

"Uh, I don't know. Haven't had much time to worry about it." He waited a couple of minutes before asking:

"What about you?"

Loki wrinkled his nose and had a little shoulder jerk. He remained silent again; until...

"I mean, people look at you a lot. Shit, I'm glad there are no climbing vines on the balcony."

Thor chuckled slightly, unsure how to take the compliment. Abruptly, he had a vision of Tony's glazed-over look in the doorway. He cleared his voice.

"Well... People look at you too." He said as airily as he could.

There was _no fucking way_ Thor was giving Loki Tony's number.

"Mm," Loki said, wriggling more comfortably into the cushions.

Thor became fully aware of a specific, pleasant sensation. He discerned that his right hand, resting on Loki's legs, had been gently wrapped around a calf, idly stroking. It had been automatic; a response to the curvature and warmth beneath his wrist. He immediately felt a twinge; a certain _shyness_. His eyes darted sideways to Loki. Loki was lying unperturbed, his eyes slowly blinking in the screen's light.

_This is okay, right?_

He didn't want to stop. It was but a serene, cozy moment. There was no reason for alarm, nothing was out of bounds. Thor knew his brother's touch and body nearly as well as his own; though some of it felt novel. Loki must have been running a lot in the months they had been apart. His calf, though slender, was firm and Thor could make out long and defined thigh muscles even underneath the pants' fabric. There was something wondrous about how life worked so slowly yet thoroughly. All of his- quirky, spindly, pale, impish, stubborn...- little brother's attributes were present, though they had crystallized into the form of _man_. The process still ongoing; he could grow even more beauti...

Thor had no clue when he had become so darn sentimental. He thought that sort of crap happened around _forty_ , not... _twenty-one_.

Loki sighed; a very soft sound of comfort, or fatigue. Thor asked:

"Wanna go to bed?"

Loki's eyes flicked to him and Thor's pulse twitched.

What the fuck was _happening_? _Nothing. That's what_. ' _Nothing_ ' felt so _fucking weird_ sometimes.

Thor stared back tensely, making absolutely certain that nothing was happening. He gave a small shrug to encourage a response, so that _something_ would happen, though not something _big_ or crazy. Loki's gaze finally slipped away; he pulled his legs off of Thor's lap and onto the floor.

"Yeah, okay." He agreed.

As they got ready for sleep Thor was acutely aware of Loki's movements. After all, appreciating good bone and muscle structure was his field of expertise. It was therefore difficult to ignore Loki as he walked around the bedroom wearing nothing but his sweatpants, low on his hips, exposing every single row of faint but tight abdominals. At the back, the plush gray fabric was slightly taut: There seemed to be two small, perfect fishbowls tucked in there. Loki finished sorting a few of his things and climbed into bed, supply rolling onto his back.

In the second Loki flipped up the sheet to cover himself, Thor caught a last glimpse of his form.

It was a flicker, an image; too unprompted and effortless to be called a wish. Thor envisioned his hands travelling down Loki's waist and cupping the twin fishbowls; Loki swaying his hips and leaning his body into...

_Shit..._

Maybe Thor had chosen the wrong field of study. Perhaps he was too... impressionable in certain ways; too fervent. He couldn't keep dreaming of molesting any well-made body he saw, much less when said body belonged to his own brothe...

"It's a lot warmer tonight." Loki remarked.

"Yeah." Thor answered wearily.

He heard the rustling when Loki threw the sheet back off his torso but Thor had reached for the lamp and turned it off.

"Hope you sleep well." He added before curling on his side.

It _was_ a hot night. Sleep did not come easy. 

****

The next day, Thor made an effort to resume his studying with more zeal. He had figured out what his recent... prurient tendencies were sprouting from:

Summer.

Normally, spring was the season of dalliances, of vibrancy and life, with all creatures disseminating their songs, seeds and pollen for everyone to wallow in. However, at that time, Thor had been neck-deep in final exams and evaluations. Therefore, drunk with sun and freedom, his body was now making up for lost times, reveling in light and warmth. It was all the signs of some hypomanic episode. As enjoyable as life was right now, what he needed was a tad more discipline and temperance.

Loki was out for half the day so it was a perfect opportunity for Thor to settle on the couch with a cup of coffee and sort out the material he would need to be familiar with come September. The first hour was encouraging; he was poring diligently over the textbooks. He wasn't especially tempted by the searing heat and sun outside.

However, by the second hour, a sensation began tickling at him. There was a craving inching up and down Thor's spine.

It _had_ been a little while, he reckoned. Then a problematic memory popped to mind: _Oh right..._ The last time he took care of _that_ particular urge was after that very messed-up dream. 

Well that put a damper on the prospect.

That _orgasm_ though.

He shifted gingerly in his seat. Once the itch showed up, it was difficult to properly concentrate on anything; and it was so simple- and, let's face it, _pleasant_ \- to sort the issue. However, this time, there were complications. It would be wiser- and more in accordance with his self-imposed restraint- to disregard the envy altogether and carry on with studying.

After re-reading the same paragraph three times without absorbing any of its meaning, Thor concluded that the matter would have to be tended to. 

He made his way to the bedroom and shut the door behind him. The shades were down; a fuzzy golden glow cast around the window was the only hint at the heat outside, along with a tepid breeze that wafted in from a narrow opening. It made the soft light ebb and flow with each sway of the curtain. It was so relaxing.

It would be _nice_. It didn't have to be weird. He removed his T-shirt and unfastened his jeans, then settled back cozily among the rumpled sheets. His hand traveled down his belly until it found the capricious member. Thor rocked into the caress as his thoughts began straying towards... glistening green eyes, hungry and _pleading_...

_Wait. No._

Thor forced his mind towards... the girl at the gym, two weeks back, who'd have sent him the most suggestive roll of the tongue, through deep red lips, from across the aerobics floor. There was no question this was hot. So; red, plump lips and spandex tank that showed... 

It wasn't right. Whatever titillation may have occured at the time, it was unsatisfactory. At the recess of his mind, he was lying upon someone who had been on top of a rock; that someone had thin, shapely lips that whispered and smiled with white, _white_ teeth... 

_It's wasn't really Loki though._

The man was lithe and pale but it didn't have to be _him_... Perhaps his hair was brown instead... Or _still_ inky black, but not quite the same as...

It was turning into quite the mental circus act; chasing his climax while haphazardly balancing his thoughts high up on a long pole to avoid the fact that his brother really was in there with him.

His entire body was getting fed up with him. It wasn't working; it was becoming a bit painful. 

Thor let out a short, raw sigh and let the back of his skull bop against the mattress. He ough to give it up; maybe go for a run. Then the frustrated need would linger and, with it, a nagging reminder of this whole mess. It would be even worse when Loki would return home; Thor would probably still be stimulated and keenly aware of why he couldn't get on with business.

It would be just a quick dip.

It would be off-color, for sure, but then he could forget about it swiftly and move on. Maybe it would be out of his system for good, even; the whole thing with...

_Just think about the fucking dream; it didn't mean anything anyway._

He slowly loosened the bonds restricting his thoughts, allowing them to float back towards the warm, swirling memories. Most details were now lost in the fog; though a single one, pale-skinned and ephebic, was fully basking in golden-lit clarity.

_Oh fuck; okay..._

Thor, in mind and body, steeled himself.

He couldn't hike up Loki's tight shirt since he wasn't wearing one; maybe next time he... _**No.** fuck. Just..._ Thor ran his hands along the flat, tight, _arching_ chest... Wasn't there some saving-the-universe element last time too? Evidently that bit was non-essential. Loki was kissing Thor, though it was more like _breathing_ all over Thor's neck and face because he was too winded and worked up to... _okay... oh wow_. Then Thor felt long legs suddenly coil high around his waist and he grabbed... _shit, **his thighs** ; and **his**_... There were strands of dark hair falling and sticking to Loki's cheek; the _look_ on his face... so trusting and _desperately needing_ this and saying... _oh fuck... oh shit..._

Thor flew.

Or _fell_ ; who knew. Gravity in space was a tricky thing. He knew he missed his re-entry window a few times and NASA was pissed, but he didn't care. He knew that once he landed, shame would come crashing down on him. If anything it was a good time to run the hell away from that whole gig since he was finally done and... but... _No_. He ran back in to hug and cuddle with dream-Loki; because _oh god the orgasm_ ; and also tanker truck of oxytocin.

For fifteen minutes, he sat sheepishly on the edge of the bed to recover.

At least it wouldn't be awkward when Loki got back.


	6. Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reality finally sinks in.

Things were _not_ okay.

It was high time Thor confronted a dark, insidious aspect of himself, the one that seemed determined to raise the ante, no matter how doggedly he avoided it.

It resembled sharing an apartment complex with a slovenly and alarming tenant; an unsocialized creep who would make loud and vulgar noises at all hours and leave heaps of garbage for everyone else to contend with. Ignoring the guy in the hallways and leaving discreet, passive aggressive signs and messages weren't sufficient: The best policy was to corner the filthy asshole and set him straight.

Thor squarely stood before the sink mirror in the bathroom.

 _Okay... so... you love Loki._ Thor thought.

"I love Loki," he made himself mouth quietly a few times so that he could no longer shy away from the fact. This was progress.

_You... I can't fuck Loki._

At this he cringed. It was pretty grotty. He shook his head. The fact that it was difficult showed that he was pushing through the issue. He wouldn't back away now; this would be cathartic and healthy. He inhaled deeply and mouthed again slowly:

"I can't fuck Loki."

_I love him, but I can't fuck him._

In some astonishing way, he was feeling an iota of relief. All that psychology crap was true: He was _okay_. He had just fully accepted that he coveted his brother in biblical- and possibly all other mythos'- way but that was it. Life went on. Now he would set clear boundaries for himself, and it would be under control and...

" _Oh!_ Hey, what are you..."

Thor thought death had come for him as his every bone lurched up towards the sky. His bellow mingled with Loki's as the latter jumped a good two feet away from the bathroom's threshold.

" _SHIT! Fuck_ , Loki, you need to make more noise!" Spat Thor, clutching his chest. 

"So-rry." Loki frowned as he recovered from his own shock, "What the hell were you doing? Summoning a demon? You could just shut the door..."

Thor groaned. He then felt a burning heat at the back of his head. _Oh shit_ he thought darkly. How loud had he been? Had Loki heard anything? He fixed Loki, seeking any signs of aberration. Loki's face looked bewildered now, though not in a _very, very bad_ way. It was mostly due to the fact that Thor looked a bit unhinged. After a moment, Loki rolled his eyes.

"I survived the first couple of times I walked in on your business. But the _mirror_ , really? That's new..."

Loki's assumptions were preferable to the alternative. Thor was so grateful he struggled to think of an appropriately snippy retort.

Loki pushed passed him and began matter-of-factly undoing his shirt.

"It's so _sticky_ out there; I need a shower." Loki said , "Are you actually doing something in here? I can wait a..."

The psychology crap was bullshit. Thor had summoned a demon.

"It's all yours." He said as he rushed out and escaped to the balcony, the furthest point from Loki's nudity their home could provide. He crashed onto a chair, his head in his hands.

He felt what could only be described as a low panic coursing through his blood. What would anyone think... What would _**Loki**_ think if he realized? It was one thing to have a good dose of attachment and affection for his brother, but it had somehow tipped over into madness. All his life, Thor had regarded himself as a fairly regular, _good_ person. How could he possibly keep on living with Loki while longing for his... _amorous attentions_?

His mind spinning, Thor went over possible courses of action. Loki would have to move out, away from his own brother's warped urges. Logic dictated that he would have to move out of the _bed_ first, though this was a spiny proposition. How could Thor renege on their current arrangement and have Loki clear the bedroom without upsetting him? Thor couldn't move to the couch either since this would be highly suspect as well. Perhaps he could make himself so intolerable in some way that Loki would opt to move of his own accord.

It wasn't so long ago; displeasing Loki had been Thor's full-time job. He'd been the CEO of it for a time. He couldn't pinpoint exactly when he'd lost his membership card, but Loki just looked so _happy_ , with his perfect, cream-white face and big eyes, smiling at and strutting for the whole universe for no reason. He _could_ look royally pissed-off too, and that was quite beautiful in its own right; but Thor simply wasn't in the mood to be the cause of it anymore.

Furthermore, Loki was sensitive. There was a real risk he would believe that Thor no longer liked him. Then he'd go full-on _Loki_ and move out, grow sulkily busy and politely distant until a gulf would gradually open between them. Their respective adulthoods would send them drifting until the void would become too wide for them to see each other anymore. Then one of them would wake up 40 years later and get horrible news over the phone...

There was no way Thor was sending Loki to the couch. Or _away_.

He didn't want him to leave.

Thor just needed something to make his and Loki's life _normal_ ; to have all the possibilities of daily camaraderie and love (the _agape_ sort) but less possibilities of odd... thoughts. He needed some sort of diversion or confirmation that nothing untowards could be going on; including in freaky, faraway caves in Thor's dreams.

He surmised that an outside romantic interest could be it. His innards felt a wrenching pang.

Thor loathed to admit to himself that the idea of Loki embarking on a relationship was hotly unpleasant- so he didn't. Of course he wanted Loki to find love and passion, and such. But Loki seemed content as it was and besides there were way too many assholes out there to rush into anything. Moreover, Thor _himself_ was the real problem, with the inappropriate libido and all. It was probably a clear indication that he had been a bachelor for too long.

For his brothely love's sake, he would have to bite the bullet.

And _fast_.


	7. Oversight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was debating which was more uncooth between posting a short chapter with a bit of a cliffhanger now or taking longer to post a super long one that I'm still ambling through... 
> 
> Personally, I hate waiting. So here's Thor's expert skills at seduction.

"I have to admit; this is a bit unexpected..." Fandral said as he picked a spring roll appetizer.

He was tall and elegant; and funny. All good things, in Thor's opinion. They had known each other for years and, he figured, it was just a matter of letting people in; of giving them a chance. Relationships required some investment and work after all.

"Well, we've been good friends for so long," Thor formed what he believed was a winning smile, "I thought, you know... Why not?"

" _Why not_ is right." Fandral nibbled at his food, observing Thor with a look that was infinitely more amused than charmed.

Thor took a deep breath.

"Alright, you know I'm not good at this. But... look, I'm serious, okay?"

"Hey, don't sell yourself short. This is romantic as fuck. I gotta say, though; when push came to shove, I thought maybe you would have gone for Sif..."

 _Shit; Sif_. Thor pondered. Maybe this would have been a bit easier with Sif. 

No. Sif would have laughed his invitation off over the phone, and with choice words. Fandral at least had the credit to be greedy enough to accept. Nonetheless, this endeavor was more and more obviously a blunder.Thor rubbed his forehead.

"Oh hell, I'm such a tool."

"Naw, you're too shitty at this to do any damage," Fandral shrugged before gazing around the bistro, "But I sincerely hope the guy you're trying to make jealous can't see you now because you're not looking too suave."

"I'm _not_ trying to make him jealous," Thor exclaimed with outrage, "And it's not a guy... or anybody..."

Fandral merely shrugged, allowing the silence to grow heavily pregnant.

"I'm going through some... figuring out, I guess. It's complicated. Shit, I'm so sorry. I'm a jerk." Thor said miserably.

"It's okay," Fandral said with a snicker, "What are friends for if not... weird-ass, depressing dates? You could just, you know, talk about it. I'm still getting dinner on your tab, though."

"There is nothing to talk about. Trust me."

"What you're letting me imagine is way more sordid than the truth." Fandral assured before grimacing, "Well, _probably_."

Thor merely shrugged somberly.

After ordering more wine, Fandral asked:

"So, does he know at least?"

Thor simply stared back at him, taking a long gulp of beer. He was unsettled by how easily Fandral was able to read him. Of course, stealth had never been Thor's strong point. This meant that not only this whole affair had been a stupid idea, it had been a _dangerous one_. Thor was now worried that if Fandral ever came to have a single look at Loki, he would somehow _know_. The way he was progressing, Thor would soon have to leave the continent. Now there was an idea: Perhaps a volcanic island, so Loki would have a reason to follow. For the time being, Thor would need to carefully ensure keeping both Fandral and Tony at arms' lenght... 

This brought a chilling concern to mind.

Thor slowly lowered his glass as he felt his stomach roil slightly. Loki had suggested take-out for dinner before Thor informed him that he was going on a date. At this very moment, Vendicatore's flyer and menu had full dominion over the fridge door. If Tony was working, and he saw Thor's number and address...

With frantic effort, Thor managed to only allow a short, mostly PG-13 preview of the seedy, pizza delivery-themed porn flick advertized for ' _this summer_ ' to play out in the back of his mind. 

His attention snapped back to Fandral who was still probing him for answers.

"...for fuck's sake, how bad can it be? It's a yakuza? It's a priest?..."

"Look, I'm so sorry about the date thing... That was a really dick move." Thor interrupted harriedly.

Fandral stopped and blinked quizzically as he watched Thor rise from his chair.

"Actually, a dearth of dick moves..." He mocked.

"... but I _really_ have to go now."

As Thor fumbled with his wallet to leave cash for Fandral's services, Fandral's face went from flippant to downright worried.

"Uh, Thor, are you _okay_? You're being very strange..."

"I'm fine. I'm pretty sure I left... the stove on at home."

"Okay..." Fandral uttered, thoroughly unconvinced but too bewildered to add anything much, "Just, you know, _get help_ if you need it, alright?"

"I'm fine! Just, stove... I'll catch you later alright?" Said Thor with some facial spasm that barely passed for a grin. 

He then all but raced out of the restaurant.


	8. Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor can't keep fucking up forever (or not fucking-up, whichever)...

The taxi ride home was a tense bubble of silence and stillness; a liminal space between one embarrassing situation and a potentially dire one. It became nearly unbearable when Thor attempted to reach Loki's cell only to hear a robotic voice announce that _the user is currently unavailable_. He tried to keep himself occupied- and sane- by doing a sort of little juggling with the phone and pawing at it as if it were a single, giant prayer bead. The driver must have had noticed.

"You looking nervous there, pal. Got a big date?"

_Oh fucking hell; can't the whole world ever just... shut up?_

"I left something at home... Any way we can go faster?"

"Hey, Saturday night; everybody's out, you know? Traffic's slow"

Thor forcefully rubbed his forehead, then tossed his head back onto the headrest. He fully realized how insane the situation was. What in the world was he doing? Even if he arrived home to find Loki and Tony (his phone's plastic casing emitted a frightened, crackling appeal for mercy) _together_ , it wasn't his place to do a single thing about it beyond sharing high-fives and resolutely sweeping the tiny shards of his own soul, however little remained of it. He had to face the fact that Loki couldn't be living in an ivory tower forever. All things considered, Tony was probably a better option than some jerk stranger and whatnot. Thor feared he was getting violently nauseated. He hated long rides.

At last, the taxi stopped in front of the apartment shortly after ten. As Thor paid the driver, he craned his neck scanning the street yet failed to spot Tony's car. Perhaps all was well and he wouldn't have to face anything too distressing after all. He raced up the stairs but stopped dead before the flat's door. He took a few deep breaths before shakily turning the key in the lock.

It wasn't very late, yet he found the place bathed only by the faint glow of the bathroom light, which was unusual. However, the lack of doughy, garlicky smell was encouraging. As Thor crossed the living room, he saw that a blanket forgotten on the sofa had taken the shape of long legs and a back curled up onto themselves. A spill of raven hair at one extremity confirmed that Loki had fallen asleep there.

Alone.

Thor instantly felt enormous relief, which he only briefly enjoyed as it was followed by shame of equal girth for his episode of deranged possessiveness. He tried to quietly slip into the hallway but by the time he had spotted Loki, his steps and keys had announced his presence. Loki was stirring.

"Shit, sorry!" Thor whispered, intensely penitent for reasons his innocent, _chaste_ little brother could never fathom.

Loki peered up at him in a daze.

"Thor?... What... time is it?" He said hoarsely. He blinked as he looked about the room. His eyes seemed red and glazed. He must have slept in an awkward position.

"A bit after ten. You're okay?"

"Hm..." Loki shrugged, lowering his face in both hands, "Just tired." He sniffed.

"Me too." Thor sighed heavily as he strolled towards the bathroom.

He began washing his face, hoping that early sleep could swiftly carry him away from this disastrous day. Hopefully, come morning, he would rise again a normal, decent human being, not a golem made of unseemly desires and fears. 

Once done, he walked into the bedroom, stripped down to his boxers and fell face-first into bed. He had a furtive gaze towards the bathroom when he heard Loki brushing his teeth. He could see him, hunched over the sink, his messy hair falling over much of his face as he kept his head downcast. There was a striking air of despondency about him. Thor surmised he was coming down with a bug or, more likely, the hot, humid weather was getting to him.

Thor closed his eyes and feigned rest when Loki entered the room, switching off the overhead light. Loki was already in his sweatpants and T-shirt despite the heat. Thor was thankful for it: He didn't need to further discombobulate or embarrass himself. They both settled for sleep without a word.

Even though slumbering was proving difficult, Thor kept completely still. He didn't want to disturb Loki who had looked like he desperately needed uninterrupted rest. After a long while, Thor was fairly certain that Loki was in a deep enough sleep since he hadn't sensed any motion. He rolled warily onto his back with a glance at his brother. Loki was also on his back. In the faint light coming from the window, Thor could make out his defined profile as well as a glint from his eye. 

Loki was still wide awake. 

It seemed he had perceived Thor's gaze but kept staring at the ceiling.

"How was your date?" He asked softly.

Taken aback, Thor took a moment to answer; the evening's nadirs playing over in his mind before he had a drawn-out sigh.

"It was just... dinner with a friend."

Loki's brow crinkled.

"But... Before you left, you said..."

"I don't know," Thor waved a dismissive hand, "I made a stupid decision. It just wasn't... the right person. Can we not talk about it?" He pleaded wearily.

There was a merciful pause. 

"Thor?" Loki began, his voice barely a whisper, as if it wouldn't qualify as _talking_ , "Do you have one?"

"One... _what_?"

" _Right person_?"

Thor felt the back of his neck prickle with sudden heat. There it was, a light out of the darkness, straight ahead; a train inexorably barreling towards him. There were only two answers possible: A _yes_ would inevitably demand clarifications. A _no_ would be a lie so brazen he feared he couldn't stomach it.

He stewed in silence for what seemed an eternity before Loki slowly turned to face him.

Thor's breath hitched. With his searching eyes wide, his tousled locks, Loki looked so youthful, so unguarded. He was far more luminous and formidable to behold than the _train_ had been a moment ago. Thor wondered fleetingly if this was another dream. Loki's arms were sliding around his shoulders, his body closing the gap between them. As he felt his pulse soar, there were so many confused, urgent things Thor meant to say and do.

_Oh, why?... What?..._

Loki's smooth cheek rasped lightly against Thor's day-old stubble. Then Thor felt Loki's lips brush his own.

Instantly, blessedly, Thor's frantic thoughts went blank, the only remaining reports coming from raw senses: The silky touch and warmth of the kiss, the scent of Loki's skin, the sound of Loki's shallow breathing. Thor's insides felt as if they had swelled up, stretching his core, his skin nearly to bursting point. The only response he managed was grabbing hold of Loki's body, clutching his chest and waist within his own arms. Besides, if he hadn't been holding on, Thor was certain his own limbs would be shaking to pieces.

The gasping sound out of Loki's throat when Thor seized him could have been some kind of laugh or sob. In any case the shiver it sent down Thor's spine was dizzying. 

Their undertaking was still mostly covered by the bedsheet despite the heat, and neither of them seemed intent on removing it. It provided a sort of protective feeling; perhaps a shield against whatever prying entities, or a literal last shred of decorum.

Loki's grip coiled tensely, his head falling away, breaking the kiss. His eyes were level with Thor's and he swallowed heavily, unable to speak. He looked almost feverish. In that moment, Thor could think again, though he was incapable of anything remotely sensible. There was no point questioning or even saying anything. Instead, he reclaimed Loki's lips. He parted them hungrily, fully tasting his mouth and breath for the first time. He believed he heard Loki speak, but the single, breathless murmur was hopelessly devoured.

The thrill was amazing. It held familiar, cherished flavors, and yet was shiningly new. It was illicit, though far too delightful to feel completely wicked. It was as if the slender hands Thor had clasped countless times were leading him to an unknown hiding spot, filled with unimaginable marvels; as if Loki was sharing some delicacy he had snatched, or saved, and kept hidden in the shade of that place. The trouble they could get into, whatever guilt that could follow were of no concern. All Thor could experience was wonder, while Loki's fingers, inquisitive and insistent, claimed the hollows of his neck, then every muscle of his shoulders and arms before dipping down along his flanks. In return, Thor fumbled to reach under Loki's shirt. At last he would savour the long, shapely line of Loki's abdomen, caressing the firm ridge all the way down to his thigh.

As he greedily pawed the taut muscle through soft fabric, Thor's fingers brushed against... Loki's opinion on the state of affairs. This made Thor fully aware of his own throbbing erection, the aching of which had been drowned within the flood of sensations. With this awareness came full clarity on what was about to follow. This stage was much too advanced for regrets; Thor's desire was now made only more febrile at the thought. 

It was practically a race as Loki's long fingers dug into and pulled down Thor's boxers and Thor slipped a hand into Loki's loose pants to hitch him free. There were several groaning and panting sounds of approval exchanged as they each were acquainted with the last uncharted few inches of the other's form.

Thor was hard-pressed to decide where his attention was best served, between the blissful sensation Loki's nimble fingers were coaxing out of him and the obscenely pleasant way Loki was snaking himself into his grip. Thor's other hand was attempting to lovingly survey Loki's chest and neck however, with reality beginning to melt and burn at the edges, this was proving ambitious and clumsy. Meanwhile, Loki's other hand was biting into the meat of Thor's bicep but the pain from it was a vague afterthought. Thor was getting nearly lightheaded with exertion, heat and shallow breathing.

" _Fuck... Loki, I... shit..._ " He panted helplessly, in need of air, of solid ground, of _release_.

Loki arched back as he suddenly came, spilling wet heat onto Thor's hip and belly. Though Loki had managed to hold his grip on Thor's cock, any semblance of rhythm was lost to a trembling, frantic pull. He gasped loudly as his body unleashed bedlam and wrenched out a broken cry.

" _Aah, yes... Thor..._ " He keened as his nails dug deeper into Thor's arm.

At the sound of his own name, in _that_ ragged, quivering voice, Thor's consciousness unraveled. As all systems flickered, he feared he had lost his wits, or that a vein had burst deep inside his skull. Then, without further warning, his orgasm flared out, igniting his body like a pile of dry tinder. The only next move possible was to limply ride out the furious waves and collapse.

Both of them were in a state; spent and tangled in a disheveled heap, too wobbly to rearrange anything. However, once their frenzied senses had settled and their brains's oxygen supply returned to adequate levels, the conditions within the sheets had become too steamy and sticky to disregard any longer.

"Um... We should probably shower." Loki muttered, smothered in a pillow.

The thought of both of them, completely nude and profaned, facing the glare of the bathroom light was a bit unnerving.

"You go first," Thor suggested, "I'll change the sheets."

This casual, pragmatic approach in the wake of cardinal sin made the situation feel remarkably low-key. As he stretched the fresh bottom sheet in semi-darkness and heard the gentle sound of the shower running, Thor was somewhat astonished that nothing horrific was happening: No portal to Hell had opened beneath his feet, neither himself nor Loki had dissolved into ashes, no secret anti-debauchery special unit had crashed through the window with flame-throwers.

Once in turn Thor had rinsed evidence of vice off his body, he returned to the bedroom to find Loki already snuggled in the newly-made bed, notably close to the very center. Again, the setting was so peaceful and innocuous that Thor found himself sauntering to join him, too bewildered to muster much torment about it. Without allowing himself to ponder the matter, Thor reached an arm around Loki, pulling his chest close to Loki's back. Thor's intent was a gesture of reassurance. Since the deed had already been done- his own wiser, big brotherly resolve having had been worth exactly _shit_ \- he figured that the next best thing to do was to own up and ensure that _Loki_ wouldn't be feeling tawdry or cast-off.

Though, he had to admit, it felt downright _wonderful_.

His face was nearly touching the back of Loki's neck. The warm scent of Loki's hair mingled with that of fabric softener; the cool, crisp sheets were warming up around their damp, clean skin... Then, entirely of its own accord, Thor's cock cozied-up bossily to the muscle at the back of Loki's thigh.

" _Shit_. Sorry... But I don't have any other spare sheets..." Thor explained, rolling further away.

As he felt exhaustion finally moving in to slay him Thor heard a tired, quiet chuckle from Loki.

Of all _fucking_ things.


End file.
